Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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