Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
