It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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