I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
