i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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