hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
