Say something about gay babies.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Alive.
So much puke
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
