If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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