I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
