I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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