I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
