dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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