K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize