I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
