Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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