If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
