dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
