I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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