I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
