I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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