WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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