is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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