Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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