Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
