I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
