The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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