He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
