It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
