I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
