I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize