i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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