i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
