Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just cropdusted the office
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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