sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
