it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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