On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
