I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
