Welp...herpes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
