That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
