Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.