Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment

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  (916): awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment http://tfl.nu/ypy1
  Replies (35) Good night (592) Bad night (3429)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

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  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4980) Bad night (1478)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

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  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1874) Bad night (5473)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.

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  (734): debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book. http://tfl.nu/o0qf
  Replies (22) Good night (1083) Bad night (4055)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (859) Bad night (5169)
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  (315): View more from New York

  someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this

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  (315): someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this http://tfl.nu/qf5d
  Replies (2) Good night (2775) Bad night (1045)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.

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  (541): Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots. http://tfl.nu/feja
  Replies (4) Good night (3090) Bad night (737)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...

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  (814): I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too... http://tfl.nu/zmym
  Replies (5) Good night (679) Bad night (1236)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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  (609): I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt. http://tfl.nu/9dqv
  Replies (10) Good night (741) Bad night (2261)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.

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  (304): I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me. http://tfl.nu/6i2r
  Replies (6) Good night (2575) Bad night (537)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

  (425): View more from Washington

  I want to be you.

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  (360): I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze" (425): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/ldeq
  Replies (6) Good night (2443) Bad night (675)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

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  (719): No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories http://tfl.nu/o049
  Replies (0) Good night (609) Bad night (775)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"

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  (917): If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia" http://tfl.nu/fadd
  Replies (0) Good night (585) Bad night (802)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.

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  (717): Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English. http://tfl.nu/s5ju
  Replies (3) Good night (1583) Bad night (910)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks

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  (412): nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks http://tfl.nu/mqja
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (508)

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