Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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