I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dating After Heartbreak
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.