we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.