I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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