So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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