There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
