You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
