My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
