the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
