so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
