My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
