and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize