I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
