i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
