I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
