I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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