I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
